The Trolling Baby

(In 5 Shorts.)

1. The I-Know-You’re-About-To-Take-A-Photo-So-Let-Me-Spoil-It-For-You Troll

Me: Hey hey look, he’s standing up by himself! Kunin mo yung camera, dali! (Get the camera, quick!)
Baby: *spots camera, sits butt back down*
Me: Aww, sige next time. *puts away camera*
Baby: *stands again*

"I want you to take bee-yoo-ti-ful pictures, mommy..."
“I want you to take bee-yoo-ti-ful pictures, mommy…”

2. The Playing-Hard-To-Get Troll

Me: Baby, please come back! Wala ka pang diaper! (You’re not wearing diapers!)
Baby: *looks back, sees you scrambling after him, then crawls faster in the opposite direction*

"Run, mommy, run!"
“Run, mommy, run!”

3. The Pa-Simple Drop Troll

Me: *puts blocks on high chair for baby to play with*
Baby: *gets a block, bangs it about for a little while*
Me: Don’t drop the block, please.
Baby: *holds block over floor, but looks in opposite direction of block*
Me: Don’t drop it, love.
Baby: *drops block*
Me: Hay. *picks up*

“I may or may not be planning something sinister with this block.”

4. The E-nergyyy! Troll

Me, thinking: After HOURS of rocking baby and humming Brahms’ nonstop, he’s finally asleep! *gently places baby on bed*
Baby: *opens eyes WIDE*
Me: Hay.

"I'm awake and I need to be entertained NOW."
“I’m awake and I need to be entertained NOW.”

5. The I-Don’t-Want-It-But-I-Actually-Do Troll

Me: Here, baby! Mommy bought some organic, banana-flavored teething rusks for you. You should like it. It looks exactly like that wooden toy you’ve been chewing on.
Baby, probably thinking: Screw that. *throws rusk away, chews on wooden toy*

“Organic, schmorganic.”


Baby troll level: TROLL MASTER


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